Recently, a report from the APA came out stating that traditional masculinity is pathological and needs to be treated as such. The same week, Gillete runs an add against "toxic masculinity". I know there are men in this world who believe women are subhuman, subservient and that our only purpose is to serve them and do their bidding. I know there are evil men who believe women are only in this world to make them happy and to give them children. But I firmly believe that is not the standard. There are good men in this world. Men who fight for justice, men who defend and protect, love and respect women. Men are not just waking up to the realization that they've been doing everything wrong all this time. Most men have been doing the right thing all along, but don't make headlines because no one cares about the right thing. I am no stranger to double standards and being talked down to because I'm a woman. I am a defender of women and children. I believe women have the right to walk down the street and not be catcalled and/or assaulted wearing whatever she wants to wear. I believe in women's rights and personal responsibility. I believe that chromosomes and biology do not hinder women in any way in this world.
In the same breath, I believe chromosomes and biology do not hinder men in this world, either.
My boys are not toxic. My husband is not toxic. My father and brother are not toxic. The men I know and are close to in my community are not toxic. God did not make a mistake when he made man. He did not make a mistake when he made men to be the protector, the defender, to sacrifice all he had for the good of those he loves. Most men I know hold to traditional masculine standards. They are not toxic. It is not toxic to be a defender of the helpless and oppressed. It is not toxic to fight for justice. It is not toxic to respect women, hold the door open for them, defend them when they are being attacked. It is not toxic to earn a living and take care of your family. It is not toxic to make sacrifices and put others before yourself. These things don't cause depression. These things don't cause men to behave poorly. These traits are given to them by God, instilled in their DNA, the inate sense to protect, defend, provide. These are good things. Boys need to learn how to use these insticnts for good, not to repress them because they don't fit into the mold society wants them to fit in.
My husband is the best man I know. He holds to traditional male standards and is teaching our boys to do the same. He wrestles with them, builds with them, cooks with them, reads the Bible and prays with them. He teaches them how to love and respect women by how he loves and respects me. He is stern when disrespect on the part of the boys occurs and lets them know they will not treat me like that, teaching them it is not ever ok to speak to women with disrespect.
My boys are masculine boys. They wrestle, the play battle, they like dirt and mud and sticks and rocks. They are loud and aggressive. They need to be taught how to be men. They need to be allowed to be men. This world is constantly trying to tell them that they are not ok. Schools try and tell them they need to sit down and be quiet. Feminist tell them their opinion is no longer needed because they don't have a uterus. The world tells them that their gender no longer matters, they should be no different than girls. They are told they need to wear pink, they need to like princess, they shouldn't want to play football, they shouldn't enjoy wrestling and big body movements. Their biology is constantly denied, trying to make them more like girls.
There is a place in our world for both sexes. God's design was for both men and women to compliment each other, to play off each other's strengths and weakness, not to constantly be condemning each other for who we were made to be. Let boys be boys and let girls be girls. God made us different for a reason and I am so thankful for that. Yes, my boys are very different than me and it's confusing and sometimes hard to deal with, but that doesn't mean I need to make them like me, try and force them to be like me because that would be easier for me. I celebrate the differences, and am learning to help them cultivate masculinity. My prayer is they will stand up to the opposition of this world and dare to be different. My prayer is they will not be discouraged when told they are not good enough because they are boys. My prayer is that good men will help train and mentor my sons to become good men, men who protect, defend, honor and respect everyone they come in contact with. My prayer is that no matter what this world is like, when they become men, they will not be afraid to be what God created them to be.
