Judah is 1 Month Old

Yesterday Judah was 1 month old. This past month has been wonderful, crazy, tough, exciting and chaotic and about a million other adjectives all rolled into one. I love being a mom to 2 little boys. It's different than what I ever imagined my life being. When I was young I always pictured myself having girls, but I love little boys. Judah is obviously still too young to show me how much of a little boy he is, but it's in every thing Curtis does. This past month, he has really developed into his own little personality, even more than he already had. He is of course, into everything, but for the most part, it's in a curious way. He likes to check everything out, see how it works. He usually uses none of his toys properly, but comes up with new ways to play with them, and take them apart and make them something else. He amazes me every day with what he can do and how much he learns. He talks all the time, although we don't know much of what he says. He does have a few spoken words we can understand and a few signs that we've taught him. He runs everywhere he goes, which means he falls. A lot. He has perpetual bruises and scrapes all over his legs. But unless he hits his head, he pops right back up, never fussing, never being phased. I think that's my favorite part of having a little boy. He is constantly a mess. Especially when he eats peanut butter or yogurt. Or plays outside. Or in the dog bowls. He has become best friends with Baxter and they act just like brothers, one minute playing together, the next terrorizing and bothering each other. It's cute to watch, although, Baxter does have to get put up more often, usually for his protection, not Curtis'.

Judah is doing well. He's a sweet baby. He's different than Curtis. He sleeps well, especially during the day. I can actually put him down for all of his naps and not have to hold him. But if he's awake, he's pretty much only content with me. I'm hoping that changes this month since I plan on going back to the clinic next month, but we shall see. It's been tough being the only one he's happy with, never really getting a break and then when I do, he's usually screaming so I eat my breakfast quickly or do whatever it is as quick as possible so I can go back to holding him so he won't be screaming. I know that will work itself out the more he's with others, so my goal this month is to have others hold him, which I'm finding out at church will not be hard :) And hopefully by next month, he'll be okay with me leaving him some. He is nursing better than he was. He still doesn't self latch, which is preventing me from feeding him in public, cause it's really hard to put on a cover and discreetly nurse a baby who takes 5 minutes to latch and then pops off a few times before he actually eats. Hopefully that will get better too this month, but at least he's nursing, for that, I am so grateful. Other than that, he's pretty much a normal baby. I'm looking forward to this month where he'll wake up a little more and begin focusing and knowing who we are so we can get to know him just a little better.

I said in the beginning, this has been a tough month. I'm so very thankful for my husband and mom who have been such a huge help. If Isaac is home, he gets up with me to help put Judah back to sleep and he gives me breaks where it's just me and Judah, while he plays with Curtis, or vice versa. He makes breakfast when he's home, or makes coffee for me when he comes home in the mornings. He spent one of his nights off cleaning the downstairs. He never ceases to amaze me with how much he loves me. And mom. She takes Curtis out every morning so I can nurse Judah at least once in peace and then sometimes even rest my eyes a little after the long nights. She cleans my kitchen every night, because somewhere along the way, I became OCD about that and have to have my kitchen clean before going to bed. She rocks Judah while he's sleeping so I can get a shower. She gets up with Curtis in the mornings and during the night when he has bad dreams. She has done countless other things, all of which I'm so incredibly thankful for. She goes home on Saturday, and while I'm nervous about finally being on my own with the boys, I'm thankful for what she's done in getting me prepared to be on my own. I could not have made it through this past month without them.

Judah's one month pictures

One of Curtis' favorite pass times as long as Isaac is awake

They love each other

Such a sweet baby face

Curtis loves him, just has to learn to be gentle

This was how most of the 1 month pictures looked.

Judah's First Week and Mother's Day

Judah was officially a week old yesterday and today, we have been home for a week with our Little Bug. It has been a busy and exhausting week. We are slowly learning how to be a family of four with an infant who requires feeding and holding and protecting from Big Brother and the dog, and a toddler who's still our Baby Boy and needs reassurance and love and protection from himself as he's learning to explore this big world. There's a huge learning curve. There have been many tears, on everyone's part but Isaac's. He's been the comfort and stabilizer for everyone. Curtis runs to him for comfort because he knows that more than likely I'm holding Judah and has figured out that I can't always hold him. I run to Isaac for comfort when both boys are screaming and I just don't know what to do. And I rely on Isaac to comfort Judah when I just really need to hold Curtis. Pretty much, Isaac is our super hero. I'm so thankful that he constantly displays love and servanthood and is the perfect man that God wanted for this family. He sacrifices sleep, eating, time for himself and pretty much everything else because he knows we need him now. I'm so thankful God put him in our lives to help through this transition time and really am not looking forward to him going back to work on Thur. 

The other thing I'm super thankful for: my parents. They stayed a few extra days after we came home from the hospital so both Isaac and I could get to know Judah and could sleep some and so Curtis would still get the love and attention that he needs. And mom is still coming back into the craziness to spend another 2 weeks once Isaac goes back to work. It amazes me how much they sacrifice to help us, but I am learning, that's just what you do for your kids. You constantly are dying to self, to take care of them and serve them. Mom and Dad have done that all my life and because of that, I have great examples of how to do that for my 2 little ones. I fail every day, but God is even using those failures to show me how much I have to rely on him to make it through the day.

All in all, my heart is full and our home is filled with love, along with the screams and tears. These 2 little boys that have been gifted to me are 2 of my most very favorite people and bring so much joy to my life. It's so wonderful watching Curtis grow up before my eyes, seeing the compassion and protectiveness and love that is slowly forming for his brother. And I love watching Judah, learning about him, getting to know him and how very different he is from his Big Brother. I love already seeing some of his little personality and learning what those differences are. I know the next few weeks will be hard as Isaac goes back to work and nights become all mine with Judah, but I know God will sustain us and eventually we'll find our new normal. In the mean time, I will work on having joy in every moment. 

Little Bug enjoying some time with Yaya

 Judah's first bath. He was so much calmer and handled it so much better than Curtis. He loved having his hair and face washed.

My Little Man, having fun on Mother's day playing at the park.

He thinks your suppose to always walk up the slide and then slide down.

A few newborn pictures.

Tried to get a picture of both the boys, this is how they all turned out.

This is one of my most favorite sights

 Judah did not like this picture very much.

The best Mother's Day picture I could get, right before Curtis scrambled out of my arms.

Happy Birthday Judah!

Wow. The past few days have been a complete whirlwind. A few days ago, we welcomed our 2nd Baby Boy into this world. And while it has been crazy, and sleep deprived and chaotic, it was been some of the best few days of my life and our marriage. I imagine I'll say that with every child we have, but it really is true. I am so in love with this baby boy. It amazes me how much love I can have for both of my boys, one of God's mysteries.

It also amazes me how incredibly different this entire experience was from Curtis. 

Here's Judah's story:

Since last Sunday, I had been contracting pretty steadily, every day, every afternoon and most nights. When they would happen, I'd get my phone out and time them, but rarely were they very close together, usually 10 or 15 mins at the most. Even Saturday night, they weren't close enough that I was thinking it would happen. But I woke up about 2 Sunday morning with contractions. I began timing them and they were 5 to 10 mins apart, still not quite close enough for me to be worried, so I just continued timing them and waited for Isaac to come home about 4. We hung out and watched Scrubs, then I was gonna try and get a little sleep, but of course my pregnant bladder wanted to go to the bathroom first and when I got up, I thought my water broke. I came down stairs and told Isaac it was that time, we needed to go. So we called our friend several times to make sure we could drop Curtis off and we were on our way. As we drove, contractions seemed to come closer and they were stronger, I definitely knew I was in labor. I went to triage, they checked me. My water had not actually broken, but I was dilated at 4cm and during my contractions, Judah's heart rate was dipping some, so they admitted me instead of telling me to walk around because they wanted to make sure he was ok. Once they admitted me and monitored Judah for a little while, I was allowed to get up and move which was so different than with Curtis. I bounced on the birthing ball, walked around the room, sat on the edge of the bed, anything I could to not stay in the bed, cause I knew that once I got the epidural, I wouldn't be getting up. So I labored like that till about 12. As the contractions got closer, though, I was definitely ready for the epidural. Every one I was having to grab the bed or the IV pole or whatever was near. So they checked me again, I was 6cm dilated and then they anesthesiologist came. I was so incredibly thankful for that. It was nice to rest some and not have to feel those contractions. We watched Bat Dad and an episode of Chuck, then they came to check me and break my water. I was at 8 cm, they broke my water and within 2 contractions I was ready to push. For this reason, I pray my water never breaks at home because I'm pretty sure I'd also be delivering at home. My midwives came in and we got to work. I pushed for an hour and 15 mins. I went from one side to the other. I played tug of war with my midwife. I refused to rest because I was ready for it to be over. As he moved closer to being born, they determined that he was face up rather than down which is why the process was a little harder. They thought he was turning as I pushed. But this little boy probably was already showing his personality, he decided to turn back. He, like Curtis, was born sunny side up. They immediately put him on my belly then wiped him off. That part was pretty amazing since they immediately whisked Curtis away from me. They did have to take him away for a minute to clear his lungs, but then I got to have my skin to skin time with him and actually nurse him. I was so excited that he nursed right away. Again so different since Curtis didn't nurse for 5 weeks. So that is Judah's story. Through the whole thing, Isaac was a champ. He always is. He stayed calm going to the hospital, stayed calm as they told me about Judah's decels, snuck me part of a bagel because I was starving, held my leg and encouraged me the entire time. I pray I never have to do this without him because he's what makes it a doable process. I am so incredibly thankful for the man God has given me. We spent a little more than 24hrs in the hospital. Judah stopped nursing around midnight that night, I think because he was super tired and then he had a busy day with all the newborn stuff they had to do, but once we got home, he nursed before we went to bed. And has nursed ever since, again so different and I am so thankful.

Life at home has been crazy. I'm exhausted. Curtis is jealous so I'm thankful Isaac, mom and dad are here so he gets all the attention he needs while I'm nursing Curtis. But I did get to cuddle with him some this morning while Isaac and Judah slept, which was wonderful since we haven't really cuddled in a few months. I am loving having 2 little boys at home and am so thankful for all God has blessed us with. I am looking forward to seeing what He has in store for our little family.

Isaac doing Judah's syringe feeding when he wouldn't nurse. Thank goodness this will not be our life the next several weeks.

Such a serious sleeping face.

I love little baby feet.

Judah's going home outfit.

Cutis meeting Judah for the first time

36 Weeks

This week, I made it to the 36 week mark. I have officially been pregnant a week more than I was with Curtis and my body feels every bit of it. I talked to my midwife this week, concerned that I was growing another giant baby as I feel like Judah is much bigger and she assured me that it's just because I've never been this pregnant, but Judah is just fine. I have just a few more days to go till I am full term, 37 weeks. That has been my goal for the last few weeks. It was originally 35 weeks, but thankfully, God brought us through that.

We are looking so forward to meeting this baby. And I'll be honest, I am looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. I love my kids, and we plan on having more after this, but being pregnant with an 18 month old running around who doesn't understand that every time he crawls up on me and pushes on my belly, he's hurting me, or can't understand that when he tries to sit in my lap, but can't cuddle up to me because my belly is in the way, he gets upset. And when our child gets upset, he is really upset. He's a child that has to feel what he's feeling if that makes sense. He doesn't usually want to be comforted, he'd prefer to scream on the floor for a few minutes before being picked up or distracted with something else. That's something I've learned about him in the last few weeks, although it could be that he realizes he can't cuddle up to me easily, I don't know. But, needless to say, I am looking forward to being able to comfortably hold both my boys, comfortably cuddle with both my boys and be able to chase Curtis around and play with him again.

There are several things God is teaching me, though, with being pregnant and having a toddler. The biggest one is that I don't have to be Super Mom. Yes, there are things I prefer doing, ways I prefer doing things as a mom, but I've learned that sometimes, I have to give up my preferences out of necessity and my sanity. I've learned that it's ok to spend an afternoon watching Curious George, especially if I didn't sleep the night before, because by that time, I literally can't function to chase him from room to room. I've learned that at this point, it's ok if he eats a banana and peanut butter or apple and peanut butter or PB and J, or PB and crackers (sensing a theme here?) at every meal because at least he's eating something. I've learned that it's ok to let him cry sometimes, especially at nap time when I either feel like I'm going to pass out because I haven't eaten yet, or just can't hold my pregnant bladder anymore and I've learned that once I leave his room, he always gets over it, settles down and goes to sleep. I'm thankful God is showing me these things, helping me feel a little more prepared for when Judah comes and I just won't be able to worry about the same things anymore because life will just be too busy for that.

The other amazing thing God is teaching me is how amazing of a husband I have. I already knew that, but I'm seeing it on a much greater scale than what I once did. Pregnancy, and being much more dependent on someone can do that. Isaac insists, on a daily basis that I take a break, get some rests, take care of myself and of Judah. He knows that with his work schedule, that can almost be impossible some days, but when he's home, he makes every effort he can to help me with that. He entertains Curtis so I can sit and just enjoy. He lets me lay down and rest if I'm in a lot of pain or not feeling well. He understands that after a long day of taking care of Curtis, I need a break, and he takes Curtis upstairs to play so I can cook in peace. He often sacrifices his sleep to put Curtis back to sleep so that I can rest at night. There's so many other countless things he does that I am so thankful for and very grateful that God is using this pregnancy to remind me daily of the blessing he gave me in my husband.

So anyway, that's what's going on for 36weeks. I do have some really cute new pictures of Curtis, but I will put them up later and talk about the fun updates with him then because he is growing and changing so much, but for now, my 36 week belly in one of the 5 shirts that I have to fit me :)

(If I go much longer, that number may go down to 0)

Judah's Maternity Pictures

A few weeks ago, we had a very fun maternity shoot. We had to reschedule it once due to cold, wet, snowy weather and almost had to reschedule it again, but then we decided to just do it at our house, which I hadn't thought about, but it was fun, and I love the pictures we got!

Photo credit: Heather Kneisler

32 weeks

This week, I'm 32 weeks pregnant. When I was this far with Curtis, I just assumed I had another 2 months left. We went on our Babymoon at 32 weeks, not thinking anything could ever be wrong, assuming we still had quite a while of that pregnancy yet. We had no carseat, no stroller, no pack-n-play, no bassinet, his room was not even close to being finished. 

With Judah, things are different. I guess I just expect to be early. I''m hoping for 5 more weeks, in fact Isaac promised me a pedicure if I made it to 37 weeks, especially since by that point, I will not be able to bend over and trim my nails or do my nail polish :) But 3 more weeks would be great. Curtis was born at 35 weeks and 2 days. I had been contracting for at least a week, if not longer, although I didn't know it. There was no pain, just a feeling of being uncomfortable.  With this pregnancy, I'm more aware of things, especially anything possibly abnormal that could potentially indicate early labor. And we are preparing much earlier, just in case. We bought a van so I can fit 2 rear facing car seats, we bought a 2nd car seat, we're in the process of working on Curtis' knew room so Judah can have the nursery, although I know he'll sleep in our room for a few months. Thankfully, we have most of everything else we need, so we don't have to worry about sending someone on Judah's birthday to go buy everything for us. Next week, I'll pack a bag for myself and for Curtis so I won't have to think about that once the time comes to panic a little and I have several contingency plans in place just in case Isaac isn't here when I go in to labor. 

And the biggest thing I think I'm doing to prepare, although I know it will never really be enough, is enjoying as much time with Curtis as I can. I know things will never be the same once Judah comes, and I'm looking forward to that. But a part of me will miss when it was just Curtis and me during the day, so we're going to the park, and going to the play place at the mall and having play dates and reading lots of books, and I'm letting him watch a little more TV cause that means I get to snuggle with him some, which is pretty much the only time we snuggle, because he's just too busy other wise. I am cherishing the last few weeks, or last 2 months, whatever it is God gives me and I am looking so forward to meeting this new little one that's been growing inside me for 32 weeks, that I've felt kick me and hiccup inside me and flip and stretch and do all sorts of things that I'm just not sure what it is going on inside there.

I am definitely looking forward to the adventure of having 2 littles, and somewhat scared, I'll be honest. But I'm praying God will instill a new sense of independence in Curtis so that I can take care of Judah the way I need to. 

Whatever happens, though, I know it will be a fun ride, and I can't wait to watch my 2 boys grow up together and hopefully be best friends.

Curtis loves to stand in the window sill, especially if daddy is coming up the road, then run to the window and wait for him

Sadly, this ball got chewed up by Baxter, but it was one of Curtis' favorite

Eventually they'll be best friends

Curtis fed himself all his yogurt for the first time, all by himself. This was the result.

Curtis playing with his Uncle Keith, learning what a cow says. Now he walks around saying "Moo" all the time

Curtis' First Real Snow Day

Technically, today was not Curtis' first snow day. He had a few as a newborn, but he was so small, we didn't take him out at all and it did snow in Colorado where we got to take him out, but today was the first time he got to play in the snow. I wasn't sure how he would do because he woke up from his way too short nap screaming and then screamed for the next half hour so I figured I'd just get to take him out for a few minutes. But once we got out and he sat in the snow for a few minutes, he was ready to crawl and play around. He crawled to the little hill in our yard and since it was icy, he slid right down it and then proceeded to crawl right across the street. He had so much fun! Then our neighbor brought her sled out, put Curtis on it and pulled him around for a little while, and he just loved that as well!